Friday, August 1, 2008

WtFF: "Dr." Phil Wants To Cure What Ails Ya'

Originally, I wasn't going to post a rant about Dr. Pathetic so close to the first Oprah-tastic WtFF. But goodgoddamn, is this fucker annoying:

Let's just throw it out there. Anyone who has to go on the Dr. Phil Show to get a "personal revelation" from that balding proprietor of bullshit is an idiot. I understand and appreciate that sometimes you get desperate, or confused, or just really want to appear on TV, but do you really need a cube of Texas man beef rehashing every embarrassing, humiliating portion of your psyche on a national level to figure out that you're "not happy?" Do you really?

Did you know he helped craft a series of successful seminars with his father and a business partner only to sell his stock behind their backs eight years later? He also got in deep dog shit with his beloved state of Texas for screwing and employing one of his 19 year-old patients. Do you know badly you have to have fucked up to get in trouble for boning the barely legal in red-blooded, meat-eating Texas? Currently, he isn't licensed to practice psychology in Texas, California, or anywhere else. And this is the guy you want telling you how to make ammends with your baby daddy. Come on!

He's got about as much right to pass moral judgement as Ron Jeremy. You could get better advice by flipping to a random page in the Greek printing of the Women's Devotional New Testament With Psalms & Proverbs.

Seriously. When did stating the obvious with horrible, deep-fried metaphors start counting as serious psychology?

I hate to say it, because there are so many who suffer for so long with undiagnosed mental disease either through ignorance, fear, or a lack of access to proper mental health care, but the vast majority of folks who start popping pills after being deeply effected by a commercial about a Really Sad Circle (designed to be deeply effecting, I might point out), probably just need a good smack to the back of the head from Mistress Reality. I'm sorry to have to be the one to break this to you sunshine, but nothing is going to make you happy 24/7. Nothing. Life is cruel, confusing and often unfair and short. It involves pain, suffering and the oppressive knowledge of your own mortality. It's called the human condition, and without a lobotomy and an obscene amount of laudanum, there's no escaping it.

And this attitude, ladies and gents, is why I started listening to dirge-like tunes with driving bass lines and wearing too much black. Excuse me while I step away to staple my hand to my forehead. d-:

As an aside, thanks to everyone who commented on my last entry. It feels good to be loved. I am suspicious of your motives, of course, but the sentiment is still appreciated.


Anonymous said...

Did you know Dr.Phil's not even a doctor, he just kinda labeled himself it.

HappyGoth said...

Ah yes, the wonders of diagnostic TV. It's even funnyer in the UK with cheating pregnant chavs.

And you're right, music is the route to all happiness. So i'm off to listen to Serj Tankian.

Anonymous said...

This is sort of for your last post, also... I came from Headinjurytheater after reading through the archives and seeing the DollMan/Demonic Toys thing.
Stranger Than Fiction rocks.

Audra said...

You write very well.